Somehow we've arrived at nineteen months. Eighteen was kinda big. I mean, it's halfway in between one and two, which allows you to breathe a little, since it's only
halfway. But now suddenly it's more than halfway and I feel some rumblings of a countdown again, although unlike last year, when I knew that from seven months to one would be
huge, this has me feeling more like,
this Alla will be two in five months. Does that make sense? This same Alla that I have right now, who won't look that different in five months. Last year it was, of course my six-month-old will be one in six months, and by then she'll be talking and signing and maybe even walking, but this year it's this Alla, this very one who right now is blissfully sleeping upstairs on my bed.
She will be two eventually. So maybe that's why it feels a bit heavy.
So what do I do? Take pictures. Lots of pictures. Maybe one day I'll find the attempt to freeze time has actually worked, and when she's
nineteen (Will I ever be old enough to have a
nineteen-year-old? I think not.), I'll be able to reach inside these snapshots and feel just what I'm feeling today. Love. Pride. Joy. Full. Very, very full.
Somehow we've arrived at nineteen months. Eighteen was kinda big. I mean, it's halfway in between one and two, which allows you to breathe a little, since it's only halfway. But now suddenly it's more than halfway and I feel some rumblings of a countdown again, although unlike last year, when I knew that from seven months to one would be huge, this has me feeling more like, this Alla will be two in five months. Does that make sense? This same Alla that I have right now, who won't look that different in five months. Last year it was, of course my six-month-old will be one in six months, and by then she'll be talking and signing and maybe even walking, but this year it's this Alla, this very one who right now is blissfully sleeping upstairs on my bed. She will be two eventually. So maybe that's why it feels a bit heavy. 
So what do I do? Take pictures. Lots of pictures. Maybe one day I'll find the attempt to freeze time has actually worked, and when she's nineteen (Will I ever be old enough to have a nineteen-year-old? I think not.), I'll be able to reach inside these snapshots and feel just what I'm feeling today. Love. Pride. Joy. Full. Very, very full.
5 comments:
When you find the freezing time thing, let me know. Please find it quickly!
Ah. You express things so perfectly with both words and photos, J.J.! : )
What a ham she is :) Love these photos, J. You always know how to capture moments so well :)
S
you made me cry!
so so sweet jj.
exactly i remember feeling that way when they were little. now i just enjoy each stage as it comes.
2 and under is so so hard to let go!
t
Gosh I feel your weight....It is indeed very heavy. too much to take on too much to endure. Too fast.... Please let me know when you figure that whole freeze time thing out!!!! This post jerked a few tears in my eyes. You guys are too sweet, Alla is sooo precious.
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