Forgive me.

But, it's the middle of a long week and I've found some cuteness to get me through the rest of it. In case any of you are having a long week, too, I thought these might bring some joy.

I actually said to myself after I took these, They are so dang cute.

I love you two.

Hand-me-downs.

In any home, the little kid gets the big kid's hand-me-downs. The good part about not having kids of the same gender (for Fisher, anyway, not so much for the parents), is that he at least gets his own set of clothes. For obvious reasons.

Everything else is already here, so why buy new? Why buy more? Case in point: watercolors. Look at those old cruddy paints the poor kid has to work with, while the big kid gets the fancy stuff.
I was about ready to give in and just buy the kid a 99-cent set palette, but then I saw his face.

And I realized, he doesn't care. A paint brush, water to dip it in (and consider dumping), and paper to show me whah I made! He's happy.

I will continue to clean up the crusty dried up colorful crumbs until he gets old enough to care. Or until the six-color palette goes on sale. Whichever comes first.

Ten on Tuesday.

1. After dropping Alla at school this morning, Fisher came home and immediately spotted Lovey, just hangin' out waiting for him to come home. He went right up and said, Hi, Wuvee, what are you doin? Playin? Yes? Big kiss.

2. A loose ritual for he and I on this one morning a week is to come home and read a bunch of books (especially boy ones like Purplicious that Alla couldn't possibly stand when she's home), and/or watch Signing Time. We haven't moved past the helicopter one. It's the one I used to hook him, figuring on him being excited about seeing helicopters, motorcycles, fire trucks. But we're still there.

3. This morning I was finishing up putting away the dishes and he thought he'd go on down to the television and just wait for me. I come downstairs and find him sitting on the couch with a blanket on him and he says, Cosee. Yep we were super cozy watching that same old Signing Time.

4. Super Bowl at our house = picnic. Even Fisher gets the excitement. Downstairs! Blanket! Floor! Foo-bawl!

5. Oh and guacamole, since avocados were on sale for an unprecedented forty-eight cents each. Score. It is a rare day that Fisher and I don't split an avocado with our lunches. Avocado goes with everything, don't you know?

6. Lately I can count shoveling snow amongst my workout options. If it were just the powdery stuff on the driveway I doubt I could get away with this, but it seems everytime I get out there a plow has just come around and dumped a huge amount of heavy wet snow at the end of our driveway and today my arms are still aching from it. The deck needs a good shoveling but I'm not sure my arms can handle anymore!

7. Yesterday Alla asked me what a mine is. I thought that "a place where they gather things" was a good answer to give my four-year-old. She obviously did not, because here is how she responded: No, a mine is a network of tunnels.

8. Needless to say, both kids are enjoying a steady stream of road construction DVDs.

9. Nana + Pappi are headed into town this weekend! The kids are over the moon!

10. Know what that means for us? Date night! We haven't been out since October. Dinner and a movie? Any movie suggestions?

Things he says.

In my mind, I could hear Fisher's response to all the things I say, and after I lost the ability to remember them all, I started writing them down. At the end of the day I had amassed a pretty comprehensive list of the things Fisher says to us all day long. This isn't a list of his acquired vocabulary, just a list of the things we hear all day long, every day, the way he says them, for me, so I'll always have his 22-month-old voice in my head saying these things to me.

dat cool. (That's cool.)

sinka Mama (stinky mommy)

hab it (have it)

ree-rit (read it)

ahpane/hehcotuh (airplane/helicopter)

ah wub you, too!

one, two, free, five...[counting to 14, skipping the number 4!]

hep-uh Mommy (help Mommy)

hi, diggers!

watch the diggers

lovey go?

Purple Dishes (purplicious)

jiggajiggajigga-jog! (jiggity jog!)

talka'natah! (talk to you later!)

ank you! (thank you!)

scissors, pweese

I could do it!

be more

hear it

see it

sinka buns (stinky buns)

watch, Mommy

wook, Mommy (look, Mommy)

don't worry (generally followed by, 'be happy')

see ya 'nater, crocadawool! (see ya later crocodile!)

I came right back!

buhbuh D (vitamin D)

wait!

go pahee first (go potty first)

fabrit (favorite - music or book or shirt)

I'dno (I don't know)

I'dno is it (I don't know where it is)

one buh (one more)

oh buhvuh (oh brother!)

ah by sef (all by myself)

wook, Daddy, numba (what number is on the calculator)

poh ahssis (post office)

see you 'morrow (see you tomorrow)

buh bye wuvee (bye bye lovey)

I need foon (spoon)

frayuh (sprayer - for his hair)

pees-a-ahsa (police officer)

juh kin! (just kidding! This is usually followed by 'ding ding,' but we are confused as to where that comes from?)

Ten on Tuesday.

1. Yesterday we ventured to Michael's for three things: frames, a bottle of red paint, and an iron-on patch. When we came out, the woman who'd been behind us in line offered me her extra Michael's coupon, saying that she realized she wouldn't be here the next week to use it. So, apparently she thinks that we go to Michael's once a week, coupon in hand. We don't, but now I know she does.

2. When we came out of Michael's, it was snowing, and by the time I got the kids in the car they had snow in their hair, having ditched their hats early in our shopping venture. I asked Fisher if he had snow in his hair. He said that he did, and would need a bath because of it.

3. For the record, we did not take a bath just because we got a little snow in our hair.

4. Shows Alla rotates between: Caillou, Dragon Tales, Dinosaur Train, WordWorld, Clifford, It's a Big Big World.

5. Yesterday I read Pinkalicious 4 times, Purplicious 3 times. To Fisher.

6. When Ron got home it was requested that he read them as well - start with Pinkalicious, then move onto Purple Dishes. Alla surprised all of us by taking over Purplicious and "reading" the ENTIRE book, start to finish, verbatim. That is some serious memorizing; it is not a short book!

7. Our library finally got the new Vampire Weekend. I'm #14 on the list.

8. It's 22 today. Just in case you're wondering.

9. Planning on a run around 5:30 this evening.

10. Between 8-10pm I feel like I just sit. I feel like I deserve it, but I just sit. Sit with the computer, sit with my husband, sit with the t.v., sit with dessert, sit with the laundry. What do you do between 8 and 10 p.m.?

Goodbye, January.

You've been kind to us.

God grant me many more Januaries, so that I might grow old with the ones I love.

Things I say, every day.

this is an inconclusive list of stuff i say, every day:

hi, fisher!

good morning, sweet pea

wanna snuggle mama?

it's gonna cost you

ready nur-nurse?

change you

let's check you

what do you want for breakfast/lunch?

would you like some moo-moo?

multi

vitamin D

time for your shot

home again home again, jiggity jog

warm cloth

zip it.

shoes off, hands washed

time for night night

i love yous

love you

sweet girl

how was your day

jesus!

holy jeez

crap

FISHER WHAT DID YOU DO?

clean up your art stuff

time for dinner!

alla can you get napkins for everyone, please?

see you in the morning!

More sibling cuteness.

And no promises that this is the end of it. In fact, I hope it's just the beginning.

He hearts blueberries.

Nevermind that, this time of year, they're frozen.

Ten on Tuesday.

1. You know it will be a good day when you begin with a big, puffy pancake.2. Naptime around here. Some days she just cannot wait to get in there and tell her stories. 3. Fisher loves the book Purplicious. We love it when he picks that one for bedtime cause he asks us to read "Purple Dishes."

4. The cookies went over too splendidly yesterday. We decided on an old oatmeal breakfast cookie recipe from my dear sister in law, Kyra, just gussied up to fit our no-wheat diet. I've been making those cookies since Alla was in my belly and we visited them in Coronado. Back to the story. For snack yesterday each of us had two cookies, a third of a banana, and a glass of milk. Good snack, I thought. Fisher DEMANDED more cookies and threw an absolute fit when he didn't get them. We had some more today, though, and it went much better. He hasn't learned to slow down, though. That kid can inhale some cookies.

5. Some days she dresses up for a wedding celebration, and on those days she tells Daddy that he must go get his house coat and a tie because he is her prince. And it's really hard for him to stop laughing at this. But he does for a split second because she wants her picture taken with her Daddy.6. The play dough (from yesterday) was orange. Big hit.

7. This week marks five years as a stay at home mom for me.

8. Today we're soaking up the sunshine after several days of gloominess.

9. Finished The Girls from Ames. Moving onto Guernsey.

10. Can you handle one more cute photo of cutie siblings cuddling up with each other and books today at naptime under blankets?

Counter help.

Here are my two little loves, front and center ready to hep-uh-mama (help Mama), standing there on their chairs. It's all fun and games until someone falls off, and, yes, they both have. Ha!

Today is Monday and I imagine they'll be up there a lot, as I've decided on two kitchen projects: make a new play dough color (Fisher told me yesterday while they were playing with the last batch: I love it, Mommy. Very matter-of-fact-like.), and make some Fisher-safe cookies. The latter, of course, is no easy feat. No dairy, no wheat, no citrus, and low-sugar. We will be triumphant.

Here's hoping your Monday is wonderful!

A sweet spot.

Sometimes they are in a sweet spot, long stretches where there's just sweetness. He asking her to read to him, pulling her hand to take her in their room, wanting her to do something with him over anyone else. She being so attentive to his needs, offering to read a digger book, turning his five minute show on over and over again, getting a pillow and blanket to snuggle together.

Makes me wonder if, at this young age, there were sweet spots between my brother and I. I remember lots and lots of years of bickering, taunting him by crossing the invisible line in the backseat of the car, my mom warning me he'd be bigger than me one day (in case you don't know him, he's got ten inches on me), and then becoming friends as adults.

How do you make sure they stay friends? How do you make sure they know that friends come and go but siblings are yours forever?

Ten on Tuesday: Twenty-two months.

Two months from today, Fisher will be two years old. Today I celebrate the joy he is in my life!

1. Today is his favorite day of the week, Trash Truck Day. Sorry, buddy, no recycling this week.

2. He can eat. A lot. When it's something he likes. Favorites: beans, avocado, sweet potato, apples, bananas, pears, blueberries, smoothies, crispy chicken, tortilla chips, waffles, soybutter, carrots, and marshmallows.

3. He is absolutely obsessed with diggers: excavators, front-end loaders, bulldozers, rollers, pavers, tractors, haybines, concrete mixers, balers. They are an absolute wonder to him, thanks to Mighty Machines.

4. He usually wakes up between 7-7:30 in the morning, nurses in bed with me, and then gets my sweater so I'll get up because he then tells me, I hungwee. I have always, these past (almost) five years, loved being woken by kids.

5. He therefore loves his digger books, but has many other favorites: Tumble Bumble, Dora books, Goodnight Gorilla, The Little Gorilla, Spiderling.

6. He loves to cut with scissors and has gotten really good at it!

7. I do not believe he remembers life without diabetes.

8. His vocabulary is amazing. I love it when he tells me, I could do it or Help-a mommy or tries to sing the ABCs while he's washing his hands or says I wuv you toooooo!

9. He loves music, and I love that he sings along. Elizabeth Mitchell is a favorite.

10. My favorite moment of the day is right after dinner when he starts trying to strip off his own clothes and running down the hall from Daddy, saying stinky buns! (Only it sounds like sinkah buns which is just the best!)

We love this little boy!

Another year older.

Today is actually my brother Josh's birthday, but I celebrated mine five days ago. When I talked to him today he asked if I felt old, and while we both agree that we don't feel old, I definitely feel older than, say, three years ago. So, I guess it's good that it takes a few years for age to catch up to me. My brother a year older, though, so maybe I'll feel differently next year.

Truth be told, the day was not all happy roses. The kids were less than stellar. It just felt like any old crappy day. But my husband, wonder that he is, came home and saved it for me. I got out for a run before dark, came home to balloons and dinner, and enjoyed it with my family (those kids have been precious since that day, of course!).

Perhaps the best part of my day was watching Fisher enjoy his very first cupcake! Oh how he enjoyed it, and here is the picture to prove it. I couldn't help thinking, in two months we'll be celebrating him. I came to rememeber at the end of my day that I am lucky to have these three people around me every day, that at the end of my day they are the ones I choose, for everything.

Ten on Tuesday.

1. It's my first Ten on Tuesday for 2010! Hip Hip Hooray!

2. It's already 22 degrees today, and heading further up. Steamy.

3. If the children had their way, dinners would go like this: we'd eat crispy chicken and french fries, then chili and cornbread, then tacos, then back to crispy chicken and french fries. Fisher would gladly eat some black bean soup and sweeties, and both of them will gobble up a hamburger. And then start the rotation over again.

4. So, in their humble collective opinion, the delicious split pea soup recipe last night did not make it into the rotation. I believe Alla called it 'ogre food.'

5. People always ask what I'm going to do for my birthday, and I generally say that we will be having a kid-friendly dinner (to avoid #4, see above) and cupcakes. I will not have fussing on my birthday. Do you hear that, children?

6. Happy Birthday, Mazie Moo:)

7. I'm completely out of dark chocolate. And (soy) ice cream. It's a travesty. But. There will be cupcakes tomorrow.

8. I finished The Help! Wonderful.

9. I'm onto The Girls From Ames.

10. A share from one of these January days (I'm in the midst of a photo-a-day for the month of January). This is Fisher's nice smile face. I make him do it a bunch cause I love it. And that's one of his new words, too: Because, Mommy.

Back when it was warm.

Christmas brought gifts and joy and family and wonderfulness all around. The day was complete once we all went outside and did some digging and building and sledding and hiking around the fresh-fallen snow, which was, finally, the perfect snowman-making snow!

The warm weather made it perfect for Fisher to enjoy the white stuff.We also worked hard on our still-standing (and put back together after having been defaced, I'll let you use your imagination) mascot, named, of course, Frosty. When we pull into the driveway, Fisher tells me, our snowman, our Frosty! Yes, he is, but maybe only for another day or so, since I've ordered warmer weather for my birthday.

'Twas merry.

Since we still have our tree up (I don't even notice it anymore), I figure I still have time to get our Christmas post in here. But I better hurry up cause that tree is outta here, this weekend.

Fisher was a little feverish for the couple days before Christmas so he kinda looked like this a lot. But he perked up at some point Christmas Day. Coulda been the vacuum Santa brought. Or the many diggers and trucks. Or books about such vehicles.Nana and Pappi came for the holiday, which might have been their favorite part.Santa brought Alla these sparkling shoes, which she swears will never be outside shoes cause she always wants to wear them inside, so I now have silver sparkles everywhere.We make the kids suffer through the traditional kids-in-wrapping-paper-photo, although Alla is pretty much beyond the suffering aspect, and now helping to console the littlest Killins, who is very much into the suffering aspect.She will pretty much do whatever you ask her. On Christmas Day, anyway.On Christmas Eve, Ron surprised me with jammies to match the ones we'd gotten the kids, so here we are in our matching glory. I'm having trouble figuring out how to get the kids to match again next year, as Miss Alla moves out of the toddler sizes and into little girls. Sigh.

We had a lovely lovely Christmas, lots of surprises, goodness, treats. A roast in the crockpot, roasted veggies and biscuits. Nana and Alla made Christmas cookies. I accidentally flattened the air out of my meringue cookies by adding some flour, and what do you know I discovered I liked that version better - a chewy peppermint meringue with chocolate chips!

Perhaps the best part was the magical little video I shot on Christmas morning, and if it weren't so dark (because it was dark here at 7:30 am when the kids woke up), I'd post it. But it went something like this:

I hear Alla tiptoe out of her room (Fisher was already in bed with us nursing), toward the living room instead of our room. I hear a little gasp and see from behind that she's covered her mouth in wonder. After taking it all in, she hurriedly tiptoes back to our room and tells us that Santa has come and left lots of presents.

It's magic, I tell you, to hear it all and see how firmly she believes.

Not wanting to say goodbye, really.

We're five days into 2010, but frankly I'm having a hard time saying goodbye to 2009. I know most people like the new year and are generally ready for a fresh start, and heavens knows I have a birthday coming up next week that I am usually as excited as a kid about, but, I don't know. That ol' 2009 has its grips on me.

And I know exactly why.

There are only a few years in your life as a mother where the difference in your children from January to December is so completely striking, breathtaking. 2009 was one of mine, and to be honest, I am only now sitting down, picking a photo from each month and putting them together. Until now, I haven't gone back. It's just too sad, that I can never get that baby face back!

And to make matters worse, even my sweet husband noticed this last night himself. We're standing in the children's doorway watching them each pick out a book for bedtime, and I see that look that says he's really looking, and when I ask, he says to me, I just can't believe we have kids this big. Hush your mouth! Don't you say it, too, then it's really true.

So, even though I'm five days into my annual January Photo-a-Day, even though it's Tuesday (I'll think of ten for next week), I realize I'm going to have to celebrate 2009 just once more, before I can glance ahead at the blessings 2010 holds for us.

10:00.

At ten o'clock we have to check Fisher's blood sugar. It's about three hours after his last insulin dosage, and therefore a good measure of where his levels will be through the night. He doesn't usually wake for the finger poke, and actually, even if we then have to give him some insulin (if his blood sugar is too high), he will generally sleep through that, too.

Monday night I opened the door to the kids' room to check him, and if he had been one centimeter closer to the door I would have whacked him with it, because this is where I found him.

Funny thing is, the next morning we asked him where he fell asleep. Ground, says he.

Merry Christmas!

Favorite memories of today:

Alla telling me she can't wait to see the joy on my face

Her eagerness to get to the tree already (why do we have to snuggle, mom?)

A truly white Christmas

Fisher feeling better (he's been running a mild temp since Wednesday due to a cold)

Feeling joy

Seeing joy

Building a bigger-than-Daddy-Frosty the Snowman

Watching Ron build Alla a snow chalet

Simple, easy dinner, eaten in my pajamas (Alla and Fisher's, too)

Feeling full

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

One month: the story.

One month ago today, Fisher was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. If you would have told me on that day, when we were at the ER and they were drilling an IV into my son's arm, that we would be ok, that we'd actually ever return to normal, I wouldn't have believed it that day. But, today, one month into our new normal, I can say that we are fine.

Most people want to know how we found out.

Over the course of five to six days we noticed a drastic increase in his thirst and very, very wet diapers. I could have wrung out his diapers. Ron and I both noticed, and of course we are not both home all day long. It was significant.

We emailed our pediatrician that Monday morning, who suggested bringing in a urine sample. (This is not as difficult as it may seem when your son is peeing approximately every two minutes.) We gathered the sample, dropped it off, and within 2 hours of being back home, our pediatrician called me at home and told me to immediately take him to Children's Hospital ER. He had just gone down for a nap. She said to wake him up.

We did, Ron came home, and we drove to Children's ER. We got there around three, and by six we were done with the ER part, and being admitted to a room on the third floor. A nurse had laid out jammies for him and was putting his arms into them while I sobbed. It was completely overwhelming, having arrived with what seemed like a perfectly healthy child and then being told that we had to stay two nights with our diabetic child. Not to mention trying to figure out what to do with Alla!

She busied herself with art supplies from the playroom, making creations for Fisher's room. She went through all of her snacks. Around 7:30 we had somewhat figured things out, and Ron took her home for dinner and bed. He came back later to bring a suitcase to last me the couple days, and then Fisher and I got to sleep, very late.

The next few days were spent learning all about this disease, and how to manage it in our very young son.

We have tired days, because we've had to check Fisher's blood sugar levels several times through the night. But most of the days are just like before, just with some extra pokes to his little fingers, carbohydrate counting, and insulin injections. We are managing, we are learning, and most of all we are very very thankful for a healthy boy.

This video was on our first night in the hospital, when I thought we'd never get to sleep. The next morning he woke up at five, crying on and off for Daddy or Alla. Thankfully there was a construction site right out of our window, with a very active crane to keep his interest most of the day.

One week til Christmas Eve.

And this is what we're doing -

Eating in-season pomegranates. Even Fisher is warming to them, though not with the gusto Alla displayed at his age. We have a tree!

We savor the Sunday paper.

We had a blast at our mama-daughter Saturday outing to Disney on Ice: Princess Classics! Alla says to me when it gets going, See, Mama, I told you there were going to be handsome princes!

After leaping out of his crib, we were forced to amend it, which he thinks is so cool as he climbs in and out, telling me, big boy.

Fortunately, this big boy bed business means he's safe in bed.

Unfortunately, he's OUT of bed a lot, turning the light on and off, playing in the diaper pail, putting wipes in there. Oh, fun.

She still likes stripes (so do I), and she always dresses herself in crazy combinations. Love it. Love her.

Tomorrow will be so fun!

I never posted about the tea party the Saturday before we took Fisher to the hospital, probably because Life kinda got shook up after that day.

But it was a day that I took her to meet three other friends and their mommies at a perfect little tea spot and these four little girls had their own pot of real pink tea and tea sandwiches and slices of cake and then she and I walked around downtown White Bear Lake afterward and it was just perfect.

And I thought, And this is only the first of three of these fun dates!

Tomorrow is #2, and I cannot wait to see the look on her face when all those princesses come to life!

Ten on Tuesday.

1. Clearly, three sets of measuring cups will not be enough. Maybe I'll start a collection and hang 'em all over my kitchen walls.

2. Unfortunately, the awesome book, The Help, was ready for me at the library right around the time we got home from the hospital. It truly is wonderful, but I am up to my eyeballs in diabetes and Christmas, so I'm not making the progress necessary to finish the book by Friday's due date. I suck.

3. Alla's dance recital is next Thursday. I am so over this dance class. The recital is at seven o'clock. Hello, she's four? She's probably one of the oldest, too, so some of the little girls might be three. What three or four year old is at their best at seven o'clock? Not to mention the little brothers that have been watching rehearsals since September but will probably have to opt out of the real deal.

4. Four is the number of injections Fisher gets each day.

5. The number boxes are up and running! I love how it gets Alla out of bed for the month of December! Today's treats were books for each.

6. I should have called this post 'Whatever number I get to on Tuesday.'

7. I have no pictures to go with this post.

8. We check Fisher's blood sugar before we go to bed, has to be around ten. On a good night, we can all then sleep the rest of the night knowing his levels are in a good range. We had five of these good nights in a row, and then last night he was low at one in the morning, so we had to give him juice and check again in 30 minutes.

9. Who likes to drink juice at one in the morning?

10. This weekend is Disney on Ice! Alla is going to FLIP. I simply cannot wait to see her face. I wish I could video. Her, just her.

Hangin' in there.

Yup, we're hangin' in there. Tired, learning, trying to help each other out. Finding a new normal.

They still bicker about silly stuff like who gets to take Toby the dog in the car ride, but then sometimes they want only each other, and they love each other fiercely. I hope they will be each other's biggest fans. I am immensely proud of them both.